This Was My Love
by smurfinator
Summary: By some miracle, James Potter is alive. In this oneshot, he remembers his love. Rated just in case. Read and Review please!


Disclaimer: I own only the plot. The song lyrics belong to Frank Sinatra and Capital Records. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling

A/N: This is just something that I thought of when listening to this song. It reminded me of the love I believe James and Lily to of had. Read and Review please!

James Tristan Potter was standing in the pouring rain. He was in the middle of a park, seemingly staring into space. In reality, he was remembering the night his dreams came true; remembering the redheaded angel that haunted his dreams – the redheaded angel that he would never see again.

A few months ago, his now 15 year old son had witnessed the rebirth of Lord Voldemort. Harry and Lord Voldemort had fought, and then something extraordinary had happened. Priori Incantatem. And for some strange reason, James Potter's shadow returned to his body, successfully bringing him back to life. No one knows why or how, but it happened. He had to down a few strong truth potions, but eventually the Ministry had no choice but to believe it true. The only person who never doubted James was Sirius. Sirius and James had this connection. They could look into each other's eyes and know when the other was lying. And after the Ministry believed that James was James, they had no choice but to believe his story of Sirius Black's innocence.

Harry was a little harder to convince. Well, maybe convince wasn't the right word. He believed that James was real; he just didn't know how to act around him. He was okay when Sirius and Remus were around, but when it was just the two of them, there was complete silence in the room. And James had a feeling he knew why. They were both hiding things. Harry had plenty of things that he didn't want to talk about, as did James. No matter what they talked about, one subject was never brought up. Her. They never talked about her. And James could tell that Harry wanted to know.

James' Point of View

And that's why I'm here. That's why I came to this park, _our_ park. So I can come to terms with the fact that she's no longer in my life. And that's where my problem is. "She's no longer in my life." That statement doesn't make any sense to me. She _is_ my life. Or rather, she _was_ my life.

Soft as a raindrop, fresh as the sea,

Warm as the sunshine, shining on me.

This was my love, this was my love.

The sole purpose of my living was so I could see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her touch. Since I was eleven years old I've seen her nearly every day. We may not have always gotten along, but whether we were fighting or kissing, she was always there. She was a constant in my life. And to be completely honest with myself, I don't remember how to live without her. I watched her mature from a freckly know-it-all to a beautifly, wise woman. It may be hard to believe, but from the first time I saw her, I knew I was going to marry her. Ask Sirius, he was with me when I said it. He may have laughed his ass off and told me I was crazy, but he was there.

Sirius. The other constant in my life. Except now things are different. Not because we've matured, or even because I was dead for 13 years. For the first time in our lives, there's tension between us. He's careful with what he says around me; careful about what memories he brings up. He knows that I miss her. He knows that I'm dying inside; that I'm falling apart. But he also knows that he can't help me. This is something that I have to do by myself.

As I continue walking in the rain I come across a tree – _our_ tree. This was the spot where out relationship had begun. Right here, underneath this tree, was where I had asked her to be my girlfriend. On our sixth month anniversary we engraved our initials onto the tree. They're still there. It had been her idea. She said it could be "our spot." And it was, and it will be for forever. And then I asked her to dance, and she had replied, "James, there's no music!" So I began singing Frank Sinatra's "All the Way." That song became _our_ song. She had laughed her bell-like laugh. She looked at me like I was the only person in the world, like it was just the two of us. That's how she always looked at me. With those eyes; those amazing, endless pools of emerald that I would be happy to lose myself in for forever. I close my own eyes, picturing her standing before me. It's not very hard to do, as I had etched her every feature into my mind long ago. I slowly begin humming "our song" to myself, the rain still falling hard.

Light was her laughter, few were her tears.

Gentle her beauty, tender her years.

This was my love, this was my love.

March 21, 1977. That was when it started. I proposed to her on that day, 1978, and then we married on that day, 1979. The next year we had Harry. We were only together for 4 ½ years, but they were the best years of my life.

I open my eyes and find myself looking at a bench. Yup, you guessed it, _our_ bench. It's positioned right next to our tree. That's where we would sit and talk for hours. Sometimes, on a clear night, we would look at the stars. We played stupid games like "name that constellation!" I always let her win.

I shut my eyes again, and when I open them, I swear she's sitting right in front of me; her dark, auburn hair flowing in the night breeze, her eyes twinkling up at my own, beaming at me with that smile that she reserves just for me. I quickly shake my head to rid myself of these painful memories, but when I reopen my eyes, she's still there. Close enough to touch, yet still so far away.

So young, so fair, such bright golden hair,

A smile always on her face.

No other love can ever compare.

No other can take her place.

I sit down on our bench, like I have so many other times, except now she's not sitting next to me, and I look at the tree to my right. I trace our initials with my pointer finger just as the tears start falling.

"Hey, baby," No, I'm not talking to the tree. "You always used to tell me that if I ever needed to talk, you'd be there to listen. So, what do ya say, Lils? Can you listen to me vent for a little?" You probably think I'm absolutely crazy. But I'm not. I have to do this. I know she's listening. I just have to make sure she knows; maybe she can even help me with our son.

"So when I woke up a few months ago, let me just say how scared I was. I mean, I was in a mausoleum for God's sake! Of course, I hadn't realized that yet. The first thing I did was look to my right, and sure enough, there you were. You looked like you were sleeping; you seemed so peaceful. I decided to wake you up, so I reached my hand to cup your cheek – it was so cold, like ice. That's when I looked around and realized where I was. Slowly, the memories started coming back. The rest of that night is kind of hazy. I just remember holding you, and crying. I remember crying. I can't tell you how long I was there for. It was nearly dawn when I realized that I should go to Dumbledore. He always knew what to do.

"And he did know. He got the veritaserum, he called Sirius and Remus and the Minister of Magic. After about a week, I met Harry. Our son. He's a great kid, luv, a great kid. We get on pretty well. He seems to like me well enough. Sometimes I'm jealous of Sirius's relationship with him. He acts more like my best friend's son than my own." My tears are mixing with the rain, so that no one would even know was crying. There was a loud thunder clap and a flash of lightening.

"I know, I know it's my fault, Lil! I should be trying harder. At first, I couldn't wait to hang out with him. But the more time I spend with him, the more I look at him and see you. I can hardly look him in the eyes anymore. Sirius is annoyed with me, I can tell. But he needs to remember that they were your eyes first!

"Harry wants to know about you. I can tell that too. He wants to know about us; our relationship with each other, our relationship with him when he was young. I can't do it. It hurts just thinking about you." The thunder clapped again. It's as if I'm having an argument with the storm. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! It's like I can't breathe. Like my source of oxygen has been taken away, and I know that there's no chance of getting it back! The problem isn't that I don't know _how_ to live without you, Lily. It's that I'm not sure that I _want_ to."

Others may cherish fortune or fame.

I will forever cherish her name.

For this was my love.

All of a sudden, the rain starts slowing to a slight drizzle, until it stops completely. The sun begins peaking its way out from behind a cloud, and then next thing I know, I'm covered in sunlight. The warmth of the rays beating down on me is like magic. It's my Lily. She's here, right now, telling me not to worry. She's letting me know that I will never have to live without her; that she'll always be watching. I remember something she told me once. She had said, "The ones we love only truly leave us when they are forgotten."

End of James's Point of View

When James got home, he told his son everything there was to know about Lily Evans-Potter, smiling all the way. He knew that he would never forget his Lily, and for that reason, he knew that she would be with him forever. For always.

This was my love.


End file.
